


Together Again

by theotherokumura



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: M/M, Psychological Drama, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 07:17:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2182812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theotherokumura/pseuds/theotherokumura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angsty YukiShima oneshot. Contains triggers--tread lightly. And don't fall in love with pink haired traitors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Together Again

 

     "You know that I _had_ to do it, don't you? I had my orders, and I'm certain that you did as well..."

(but how can you really know that?)

      "Don't--please understand I did what I had to--"

( _even if it meant killing you_)

 It wasn't supposed to turn out this way, he wasn't supposed to actually pull the trigger

( _my hand slipped I swear to God it did)_

 People only killed their lovers in tragedies and television dramas, not in  _real life_ , but the same went for killing demons, so maybe--maybe it wasn't different,  _Renzou_ was the demon he needed to slay, the one he couldn't escape  _couldn't_ break away from him from it--

(you didn't have to kill me)

      "You're wrong. One of us had to die. Don't be so irrational."  _Irrational_ , that's what this was, this business of trying to atone for killing another human being, a human being that he loved-- _had_ loved, past tense--it had to be past tense,  _had_... 

~~(you can't atone for it)~~

      "Just--just shut up!" Yukio couldn't kill a demon that he couldn't see, and surely, that was what Renzou had become--another voice in his head, another watcher in the darkness reminding him that he was

weak.

selfish.

useless.

The list went on longer than their ill-fated romance had--actually, it went on longer than Yukio had been alive. Fifteen years of failure, fifteen years too many, fifteen years that he wanted to  _erase._ He wanted to erase  _everything_ , all of the memories, all of the pain--

( _just take it all away, please just take it all_)

(maybe you should just pull the trigger one more time)

      "I can't do that. I have to protect my brother. Why would you even suggest that?" 

(I want you to be with me)

  _Traitor._ Liar. He couldn't listen to someone who had deceived him all along, love had nothing to do with it--love had no place in a poisonous heart, a sinful heart.

(but who is the real traitor?)

     "I didn't have any other options. You betrayed all of us, most of all me--you could have  _told_ me, you could have..." 

( _you didn't have to die_ )

(you didn't have to kill me)

      "Stop... stop saying that. I did. I had to kill you, I've told you a thousand times I  _had to kill you_ do you think I  _fucking liked it--I loved you I loved you so much and it was all for nothing all of it is worthless it's--_ "

( _I am worthless I am nothing_)

His gun was sitting next to him, it was right by his hand he could almost feel the cold metal--

 (if you do it we can be together again)

no.

no.

_no._

he had to protect Rin he had to stay alive he couldn't die  _not yet_

 (you know that this life is too troublesome)

It was in his hand--he checked the magazine, still a few bullets left but he only needed  _one_ he wouldn't miss wouldn't have to shoot twice like when he killed Renzou maybe the first time had been an accident but the second time he watched it go through his heart he could have aimed for the head but

( _I wanted to see if your heart could still bleed_ )

(can yours?)

He pressed the gun to his chest and waited for a warning voice in his head--waited for someone to say 'stop' that this was not the way to atone for what he'd done but he heard nothing he  _felt_ nothing

(because you are nothing)

Yukio pulled the trigger.

 

 

And there wasn't nothing.

He saw the monastery, his father, and his brother. He saw the demons too, but somehow they were less scary because they couldn't hurt him anymore, and he wondered where everyone else was but maybe they were just waiting or--

He saw True Cross Academy, all of the exwires--and his brother again, dozing off in class--Yukio was teaching something, he was going over a lesson outline but where was Renzou? Was he waiting somewhere else? He'd promised that it would matter again, that they'd be together so

_why wasn't he here_?

 (because I hated everything)

 No, that couldn't be right--this had all been for him, he had to be  _here,_ Yukio couldn't live without him but he was already dead he'd  _killed himself_ and now Rin was going to find his body and wonder why and blame himself and God why had he listened he was all _alone_  and Renzou

_wasn't here he was_

alone.

abandoned.

forsaken.

(it's what you deserve)

_but you said we would be_

Together again.

* * *

_Yukio... Yukio... Yukio, come on, wake up..._

Yukio jolted awake, breathing heavily and coated in a cold sweat. He was completely tangled up in the sheets--or at least, the one blanket he hadn't managed to kick off. Renzou was staring at him with a concerned, slightly tired expression, honey colored eyes half-lidded and sleepy. The aria was quite used to the other having frequent nightmares by now, so it didn't exactly surprise him, but it was still worrisome. 

"What was it this time?" Renzou asked quietly, before letting out a yawn and shifting to get more comfortable. His boyfriend tended to thrash around a lot when he had nightmares, and the pinkette was fairly certain he'd taken an elbow to the ribs and a foot to the shin before waking up. Sometimes, being a heavy sleeper wasn't particularly beneficial. 

"I dreamed I killed you and you turned into a voice in my head and told me to kill myself." Yukio muttered bluntly, still haunted by the horrible dream, as ridiculous and irrational as it had been. "Oh, you were some sort of traitor." He added as an afterthought.

"Me? A traitor?" Renzou chuckled, cuddling closer to Yukio in an affectionate manner. "That would be too troublesome." 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I word vomited on a piece of paper after midnight and this sort of just happened. I'm sorry if the formatting is at all weird or confusing. I kind of wanted to experiment and play around with it, but needless to say, I was kind of sleep deprived when I wrote this. I hope people at least enjoyed the angst.


End file.
